As adults we often find ourselves giving the world our happy face regardless of what's going on inside. We have people in our lives we can be truly honest with, who when they ask how we are, rather than give them the "fine, how are you?" response, we tell them the truth, good and bad.
When I collected Bean from school on Thursday, he had his arms wrapped around his tummy and his little face was white as a sheet. He was obviously quite poorly and his teacher handed him over seeming oblivious. As soon as we got in the car he fell asleep and proceeded to spend his evening sleeping in the sofa, waking only to puke in a bowl. He perked up around 8pm and happily got ready for bed despite skipping dinner and sleeping for almost five hours that afternoon.
He was fine after a good nights sleep but because he'd been sick in the last 24 hours he couldn't go to school, so we had a lovely chilled out day together.
When we collected his brother at 3pm, I picked up Bean's homework from his teacher and asked if she knew he was poorly. Apparently, she had no clue.
Now I know Bean had a rubbish short term memory so it's difficult to drag the truth about what happened, but when questioned he told me he had felt poorly both before and after lunchtime, which means my poor sausage had felt dreadful all day and not bothered to tell anyone. I, of course, explained to both boys that if they ever felt poorly at school, they ought to tell a teacher and I'd be happy to come fetch them so I could take care of them. There's no reason to suffer though it.
But it bothered me that Bean couldn't tell his teacher, who is lovely. I hope she doesn't feel bad about not noticing how ill he was. I know my boys and if they want to put on a brave face for the world, they will, keeping all their feelings saved up for when they see me. Ed is the same, he keeps everything bottled up all day only to release a tirade of emotions when I collect him. I wish they could be more comfortable with their teachers, though they have only been at this new school for five months, they need to be open and honest with their teachers. Especially if new situations arise, like if someone started bullying them, they need to be able to tell someone at the school.
I don't really know how to deal with this, aside from talking to them, encouraging them to be open with their teacher, instilling the idea that their teacher is a safe place and giving them more time to get used to their new school.
On the plus side, despite how busy and distracted I can get, I am obviously still their favourite 'safe place' and I can't help but enjoy that feeling of being needed by my little people. I must be doing an okay job of being there for them when they need me *mini happy dance*.
I think the 'brave face' has a place in our lives, we can't go around opening up to everyone who glances in our direction, that would be weird (and we've all experienced that person at the bus stop who suddenly launches into their life story, which only leaves you thinking "why can't I drive?") but I think there needs to be a certain amount of people you can open up to. For my boys, I think they should have someone at home (obviously) and someone at school. In fact, thinking about it, the people who are truly miserable at work seem to be the people who haven't got anyone they can be truly honest with in that place. So maybe we need one at home, one at work, one at whatever social activity we do.
What do you think?
Are things uncomfortable when you don't have a confidante in each surroundings you find yourself in on a regular basis?
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