Another Spectacular Tumble.

I am remarkably clumsy at the best of times and have had some rather fantastic falls in my time. 

I can’t work out if it’s due to my size, my oversized boobs, or just the way I hold myself, but generally speaking I can’t walk through a door way without either whacking into the doorframe or catching myself on the door handle.

Thinking back, I’d have to say my favourite falls of all time are;

1. I’d just moved to London and was cleaning my new kitchen floor with a dish cloth as I didn’t yet own a mop. I’d cleaned the whole area except where I was standing in the middle of the kitchen (I was new to this). As I inched over on tippy-toes so I left smaller footprints (obviously), I slipped on the wet floor. I was crouched down so when my feet slipped forwards my whole body fell backwards, landing on my bum and keeping momentum, I rolled all the way onto my back. I would’ve gone all the way over but my noggin got in the way. I was in fits of giggles and even though this was 12 years ago I can still remember just wishing wholeheartedly that someone had been there to witness it because it was beyond hilarious. But alas, like most of my time spent in that flat, I was alone.

2. One lazy Saturday morning I woke up, and like any normal person headed straight for the stairs to go down to make a cuppa. Those were the days we had cats and just as I’d got to the stairs Beorn wound round my legs. Concentrating on not standing on him, I lost my balance and fell down the whole length of the stairs, my bottom hitting every step and projecting me to the next one. Again, cue fits of incessant giggles. Justin had obviously heard it all from the bedroom and rushed out to find me straddling my 5 foot rubber tree (named Lucy, I had her for 6 years and she’d grown from 6 inches, she sadly died when we moved house after being left out in a frost, and still hasn’t been replaced #sob). It took a good half hour for me to stop laughing. I probably would’ve looked at the situation differently if I’d have known what I discovered the next day. I was in fact pregnant at the time, but Ed obviously held on tight.

So now, today’s fall is going to have to go into number 3.

Outside a pet store, I was checking out a dog kennel. It’s the kind that has a lid that lifts off, and I felt like it should be on a hinge but it wasn’t because it wasn’t lifting nicely. On reflection it probably just had another catch on the other side that I should have undone. Instead I hitched it open to peek inside at the price label, but a lovely combination of snow, grit, snow boots, shoddy workmanship and me, meant that of course the lid fell to pieces and I fell backwards. I landed on my bottom and rolled backwards all the way up to my shoulders, legs in the air. Very graceful and ladylike as usual. This time at least my sister and my youngest son Bean were there to witness it. A kind member of staff came rushing over having missed the fall but finding me on my back.

I was fine, I couldn’t stop laughing of course, but I was fine.

The lid it turns out, should’ve been screwed together, shouldn’t have fallen apart, but the screws were definitely too small and I definitely won’t be buying it.

I had to spend the rest of the afternoon, including the school run) in damp trousers with two lovely muddy knees (haven’t yet investigated my bum or the back of my jumper), but I don’t think anyone will have really taken much notice since I’m wearing my painting trousers today after a morning of re-decorating.

I’m still hoping it’ll turn up on YouTube though. It’d be a shame to put a good fall to waste again. 

The nation should’ve seen it.

I found this great image on google, it's an old French postcard and I think it sums me up, especially as just before the snow started a few days ago (thank goodness), I managed to empty my entire handbag in the road.