Girls have it so easy.
They get their choice of colours, hobbies and a massive array of clothing.
Clothes shopping for boys is rubbish. As a Mum of two boys, we have one section, hidden amongst rows and rows of girls clothes and accessories, and even then it's mostly dull trousers shrouded by overpriced marvel t-shirts.
Once again my five year old, Bean, has been in my closet and helped himself to my perfume because Mia (at school) is allowed to wear perfume and she apparently she smells nice. When I asked him how many sprays he had used, he admitted to five, maybe six. I feel like my overloaded nose might explode, but I can't really be angry with him.
We made him his own using essential oils. He chose a rather fruity, citrus smell, which he can over spray to his heart's content, though he is learning quickly that two will do.
In case you're intrigued; we made the perfume using a few drops of essential oils we simply liked the smell of added to 10ml almond oil, give it a shake, add 5ml glycerin and 5ml vodka, shake again then add cooled boiled water. Shake before use.
Whenever I take a few moments to put some nail varnish on, the always insist on having some too, so I let them wear it on their toes because I can't send them to school with it on their fingers; not because they're boys, but because I think it's against school uniform rules (ever the avid rule follower and I still haven't ever used nail varnish remover on their little delicate fingers). In the school holidays they can have it where ever they want. I just know even if it isn't against school rules, the teachers may pull them up on it anyway and I don't want them to be embarrassed, especially if it happened in front of the whole class. How can I explain to a five year old that some people think boys shouldn't wear nail varnish?
Last Christmas, Bean asked for a kitten. I wasn't going to invest in a real live cat as we already have a rather nervous dog who would not take well to an intruder, so I got him a toy kitten which purrs and everything. Of course it was from the girlie aisle in the toy store. And it had a little pink bow on it's head. My terrified husband, being the 'man's man' he is, requested I snip it off, but I forgot. Bean didn't notice the bow. He was only cross that it wasn't real.
In case you're intrigued; we made the perfume using a few drops of essential oils we simply liked the smell of added to 10ml almond oil, give it a shake, add 5ml glycerin and 5ml vodka, shake again then add cooled boiled water. Shake before use.
Whenever I take a few moments to put some nail varnish on, the always insist on having some too, so I let them wear it on their toes because I can't send them to school with it on their fingers; not because they're boys, but because I think it's against school uniform rules (ever the avid rule follower and I still haven't ever used nail varnish remover on their little delicate fingers). In the school holidays they can have it where ever they want. I just know even if it isn't against school rules, the teachers may pull them up on it anyway and I don't want them to be embarrassed, especially if it happened in front of the whole class. How can I explain to a five year old that some people think boys shouldn't wear nail varnish?
Last Christmas, Bean asked for a kitten. I wasn't going to invest in a real live cat as we already have a rather nervous dog who would not take well to an intruder, so I got him a toy kitten which purrs and everything. Of course it was from the girlie aisle in the toy store. And it had a little pink bow on it's head. My terrified husband, being the 'man's man' he is, requested I snip it off, but I forgot. Bean didn't notice the bow. He was only cross that it wasn't real.
A week or so ago, Bean was sad because a class mate had told him he couldn't go to Ashleigh's birthday party because she's having girlie pamper party. Little do these Mum's realise just how much he would've enjoyed it and how ostracised he felt being left out.
When chatting to some friends about this, one of them had a similar issue with a party her son wasn't invited to for the same reason but it just turned out to be a crafty party which her little guy would've have really enjoyed.
At this young age, I think they should have more freedom do to whatever they want to, wear what ever they want to. Let them learn who they want to be before piling on the social restraints of 'being a man'.
Ed, my seven year old, is very literally minded and likes to put things into boxes in his head. I haven't told him 'pink is for girls' but I guess the kids at school have because that's what he believes.
I find myself constantly reminding both my boys that there's no sensible reason to turn down everything pink or purple, letting girls have all the choice, leaving themselves two colours short. I tend to buy our plastic crockery in multi-coloured packs, so if nothing else it means the pink bowls get used rather than disregarded because (apparently) they're too girlie.
I find myself constantly reminding both my boys that there's no sensible reason to turn down everything pink or purple, letting girls have all the choice, leaving themselves two colours short. I tend to buy our plastic crockery in multi-coloured packs, so if nothing else it means the pink bowls get used rather than disregarded because (apparently) they're too girlie.
I used to clean a preschool for a few hours every day and sometimes, the boys would come with me. Ed would usually play Minecraft on his device but Bean would often reach for the giant Barbie house and spend his time dressing the dolls. He got a lot of joy out of it and I loved watching him but why did it feel like he was going against some kind of grain?
Why did it feel so unusual?
 |
| Yes, he put Ken in a dress. |
After doing a spot of internet research, I've come to the conclusion that I just don't give a damn.
The world can be cruel and kids can be truly horrid, I can't protect either of them from that. All I can do is provide them with a safe place where they can grow into whoever they want to be and ensure they know they can always come to me.
During my research, I came across a comment by someone whose parents were not supportive of her preferences. They told her she'd be picked on for her love of Star Trek, that it was too geeky, so when she was bullied at school, she found it difficult to stand up for herself simply because without her parents loving support, she presumed they were probably right. That's awful!
I would much rather be the parent who says, yes, you might get picked on for your pink nail varnish but screw them! You do want you want, you're an amazing human being. I love you, your friends love you and some people can just be really small minded. They're wrong, not you. You are the only you....I could go on.
Don't worry, I'm not naive enough to presume girls don't have their own issues regarding gender, it just seems to me that its more acceptable for a girl to be a tom boy than for a boy to be girlie sometimes. This issue has a lot more facets to it than I can put into sentences, this is simply how it effects us day to day.
My main concern is raising two well-rounded boys, who won't judge other people for their own choices, who will ignore the opinions of bigoted idiots and be happy in their own sense of self.
Doing so without pushing them into gender opposing ideas is a fine line, but how will we ever be truly equal if there is a standard disregard for 'girlie' things by our little boys? If we let our little boys turn down nail varnish, or even bright clothing because 'it's for girls', how can we stop little boys saying football is only for boys?
If a boy is ridiculed for wanting to be a nurse or a carer, how will a girl feel when she goes for the CEO job?
Gender equality has to work both ways, but at the same time I won't be pushing my boys into donning the pink nail varnish. I'll let them do what they want, even if it is influenced by whatever the kids at school are saying. As a society, I think we've come a very long way in a short amount of time and we've become a lot more accepting of people and their life choices. Rather than pushing (and consequently making life difficult for my boys), I think I'd be better off letting it carry on evolving for the better. I'm pretty certain by the time Bean is in High School, people's attitude will be even further improved and if his preference for dressing well (and in the brightest colours he can find)........oh no.....I have to interrupt my sentence here because everything I'm thinking is a stereotype and I should know better than that. I'll put it this way; if Bean, or Ed for that matter, grows up and finds he prefers boys, he will know he is loved and I'm sure his school friends, whoever they may be, will support him in his choices.
Well, I hope so anyway.
Anyway, back to the subject of gender fluidity (yes, boys liking girlie things (the girls liking boy things) has been given a name), a few months ago, while watching David Walliams kiss Orlando Bloom on Comic Relief night, Bean exclaimed "I've never seen two boys kissing!" as though it was weird.
I immediately replied with "Dude, you watched your Uncle marry a bloke only last Summer!"
Cue a long conversation/rant about how love is love and it doesn't matter who you fall in love with.
Unfortunately, mid rant, it's difficult to get the balance right between ensuring my children know I'll accept them whoever they become and pushing what might be unnatural for them. I don't want to add to the confusion of teenhood. I don't want them to question who they are just because I gave them too many choices. Oh, it's so complicated and I'm concerned I'm saying this all wrong.
All I want is for them to be happy. That's all.
And maybe I'll let them wear nail varnish on their fingers, it probably wouldn't do any harm to break a small rule every now and then...
I shall promise to worry less about what other people might think, trust my children to stick up for themselves and maybe not over think every little thing ;)
The world can be cruel and kids can be truly horrid, I can't protect either of them from that. All I can do is provide them with a safe place where they can grow into whoever they want to be and ensure they know they can always come to me.
During my research, I came across a comment by someone whose parents were not supportive of her preferences. They told her she'd be picked on for her love of Star Trek, that it was too geeky, so when she was bullied at school, she found it difficult to stand up for herself simply because without her parents loving support, she presumed they were probably right. That's awful!
I would much rather be the parent who says, yes, you might get picked on for your pink nail varnish but screw them! You do want you want, you're an amazing human being. I love you, your friends love you and some people can just be really small minded. They're wrong, not you. You are the only you....I could go on.
Don't worry, I'm not naive enough to presume girls don't have their own issues regarding gender, it just seems to me that its more acceptable for a girl to be a tom boy than for a boy to be girlie sometimes. This issue has a lot more facets to it than I can put into sentences, this is simply how it effects us day to day.
My main concern is raising two well-rounded boys, who won't judge other people for their own choices, who will ignore the opinions of bigoted idiots and be happy in their own sense of self.
Doing so without pushing them into gender opposing ideas is a fine line, but how will we ever be truly equal if there is a standard disregard for 'girlie' things by our little boys? If we let our little boys turn down nail varnish, or even bright clothing because 'it's for girls', how can we stop little boys saying football is only for boys?
If a boy is ridiculed for wanting to be a nurse or a carer, how will a girl feel when she goes for the CEO job?
Gender equality has to work both ways, but at the same time I won't be pushing my boys into donning the pink nail varnish. I'll let them do what they want, even if it is influenced by whatever the kids at school are saying. As a society, I think we've come a very long way in a short amount of time and we've become a lot more accepting of people and their life choices. Rather than pushing (and consequently making life difficult for my boys), I think I'd be better off letting it carry on evolving for the better. I'm pretty certain by the time Bean is in High School, people's attitude will be even further improved and if his preference for dressing well (and in the brightest colours he can find)........oh no.....I have to interrupt my sentence here because everything I'm thinking is a stereotype and I should know better than that. I'll put it this way; if Bean, or Ed for that matter, grows up and finds he prefers boys, he will know he is loved and I'm sure his school friends, whoever they may be, will support him in his choices.
Well, I hope so anyway.
Anyway, back to the subject of gender fluidity (yes, boys liking girlie things (the girls liking boy things) has been given a name), a few months ago, while watching David Walliams kiss Orlando Bloom on Comic Relief night, Bean exclaimed "I've never seen two boys kissing!" as though it was weird.
I immediately replied with "Dude, you watched your Uncle marry a bloke only last Summer!"
Cue a long conversation/rant about how love is love and it doesn't matter who you fall in love with.
Unfortunately, mid rant, it's difficult to get the balance right between ensuring my children know I'll accept them whoever they become and pushing what might be unnatural for them. I don't want to add to the confusion of teenhood. I don't want them to question who they are just because I gave them too many choices. Oh, it's so complicated and I'm concerned I'm saying this all wrong.
All I want is for them to be happy. That's all.
And maybe I'll let them wear nail varnish on their fingers, it probably wouldn't do any harm to break a small rule every now and then...
I shall promise to worry less about what other people might think, trust my children to stick up for themselves and maybe not over think every little thing ;)
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