Back to School

For those of you who don't know, until last week when they started a new school, for the past year I had been home educating my little boys. Ed was in reception when Bean didn't get a school place at the same school so I began delving into other options and came across home eduction. It's not very common in this country, but it's growing rapidly, for example; one of the long established Facebook support groups I joined last June had around 500 members. Just 14 months later, it currently stands at 4800. At the time, Ed was struggling with school. He seemed to spend his day bottling up his angst, only to explode the moment I picked him up at 3pm. Twice a week he would bolt with me running behind with slowcoach Bean, usually in his buggy even at four years old, just so I could keep up with Ed or encourage him to ride on the back. I'd usually find him hiding in the bushes but I'd always have to check the road first (as you do). It was highly stressful for us all. The meltdowns would last all evening, only to start again in the morning.

In the beginning, I lovingly spent my evenings planning projects and creating worksheets on things they were interested in. I excitedly envisaged a more relaxed life full of trips to the library, museums, the beach and of course lots of home ed groups. 
Unfortunately what I got was quite different.

I did a bit of reading on 'Unschooling' and, alongside covering the basics, I wanted to encourage the boys to be able to fill their time unguided, playing and learning as they went. A lot of our friends were unschoolers and it's a great way of life, but I always had that worry in the back of my mind. I tried to ensure they always understood the importance of knowing how to read and write, I made sure they always saw me reading and I of course read to them every day. When they started to refuse to join me making lap books about various subjects, I started doing them on my own regardless. I wanted them to see that even as a 'growed up' I love learning new things. Ed loves science and maths so the house was always full of strange experiments and Bean loves boardgames so there was always those times when regardless of how busy I thought I was, everything was dropped when he handed me a box.
I never heard the words "I'm bored". I never have. 
However, having two boys playing all day meant I could never see my floor for all the toys strewn everywhere. 
It also meant I ended up with two boys who did what they liked, whenever they liked and never wanted to listen to what I said, especially if is was any kind of structured learning or tidying up time. Our days were full of hissy fit after hissy fit, some of which were my own.
My projects and worksheets went ignored. Every time I got them out, they'd scarper faster than I could say 'bumble bee'.
I found it challenging to take them anywhere. With two boys running at entirely different speeds; Ed would steam ahead while Bean lagged behind, making even the zoo a risk. I lost Ed on multiple occasions and soon gave up trying to take them anywhere. Even the food shop was saved for when I could leave them at home with Daddy. We went to home ed groups about twice a week and I made a lot of marvellous friends, but the boys mostly played together and didn't seem to make any real connections with the other kids. Sure, they'd have moments when they all played together and it was beautiful to watch, but we all lived so far apart it was difficult to move to the next level of friendship.
I turned my workroom into a playroom where we had space to learn together. It was awesome but it meant all my stuff had to be moved to the dining room and when I was working on a series of art pieces, one of the boys destroyed them while they were drying in the kitchen. Without a room to ban them from, all my work was around the house, much to it's peril. Losing that was the last straw and a few weeks ago I moved it all back round again, toys downstairs, my craft stuff upstairs, taking my workroom back.

The resentment which has built up in between us is sob-worthy. My relationship with my children, especially Ed my eldest, suffered and I had to do something. I couldn't keep hiding in the kitchen where I could let my tears fall away from concerned little eyes.

So after months of angst, worrying about what to do for the best, I applied for school places right at the end of the summer term. I was terrified that starting back at school might be the worst thing I could do to them, the most damaging to their delicate self esteem, but what use am I to them as a big old mess? I was too stressed, too snappy and in desparte need of my own space. Surely any damage school might inflict cannot be as bad as being brought up by someone like me in this state.

I still don't know if school is the answer. I think I possibly should've found a way to chill the hell out, but I had been trying for so long. It was time to accept that I am my own person who needs to work, projects and time alone. I of course enjoy working alongside them; they play while I sew, that's cool. But it never felt like I was doing enough.

I had wanted them to learn naturally rather than at the National curriculum rate, which in my opinion is too rigid, too hard and fast and far too early. I did attempt to go through a phonics system with them, which Ed already knew from his reception year but every time I pulled out my worksheets they would recoil and it promptly ensued another hissy fit. This means that now they are back in school, they are both a year 'behind' everyone in their classes. I knew this would happen, but I'm hoping that since their brains are that little bit older, they might be able to cope with the sheer amount of information waiting for them to soak up a little better. I might be wrong. I feel like it could go either way; they may steam through it and be OK or it may be irrevocably damaging to their self esteem. The only thing I can do is help pick up the pieces and help them along any way I can.

The worst part of all this is, being the mother, I feel entirely responsible. It's all my own fault. I was, still am, simply trying to make the best decision for all of us. I'm doing the best I can with what I've got. That's all anyone can ask.

It's so quiet here. 

All my chores take literally half the time they took last week and my house is cleaner than it's been in ages. I know it shouldn't matter, but it does. I hate mess. I need a clean, tidy house, or at least as tidy as a builder's wife's house can be. My mind goes to jelly when everything around me is chaos.
I can listen to music at last, now that I don't have arguments or mischief to listen out for. One of the things they don't tell you about motherhood is how much you'll miss music. I reminisce of days spent with my stereo blasting some delightfully heavy rock/metal but I couldn't do it with the boys around. I cant trust them enough to take my eyes or ears off them for one minute haha.
There's so many things to do now I have time to myself, I'm still a bit bewildered and lost. My days feel long but productive.

Thankfully, everything seems to be going OK for the boys too. Of course Ed gives me the "I don't want to go, it's boring" tune every morning, but he still goes in. Bean is just super happy - no change there then. Gone are the melt downs I used to have to contend with when Ed was last at school.

I'm still struggling to get Ed to do his homework and Bean is so behind I'm going through the basics with him every day to help him out, but I'm sure we'll get there eventually.

Of course, I miss my home ed friends. Home educators are the most open minded, friendly, heart warmingly welcoming people I have ever met and I know a huge majority of them understand my decision. What they are doing for their children is so hugely admirable and I have nothing but respect for them.

About Home Education.
For more info, I'd recommend checking out Education Otherwise and Educational Freedom.
If you want to know more about unschooling, this article is a great explanation in my humble opinion. It of course, as a concept, is always up for heavy debate, but like with a lot of things, especially parenthood, each person has to find their own way.

The Importance of Me Time

Well, it was bound to happen at some time.

When it came to writing this, I had no idea which blog to put it in.

Such is life.

I've gone for this one because though it is a 'how I survive being a home school mum', it doesn't have that much to do with our learning adventure, it just keeps us on it.

It's more a 'how I survive being me' post.

So here it is;

My gym membership makes me a better mummy.

Fact.

Last night, while I was frazzled over a sudden influx of commission orders, the opportunity cropped up to join an old friend at the gym, rather than go a few hours later after putting the kids to bed. I grabbed it, knowing that if there was one thing my fried mind needed, it was a blast at the gym while catching up with a friend.

I came home a few hours later revived and ready to cook Daddy & I a very late dinner while he put the boys to bed.

It meant that at 10pm, when Ed crept downstairs while we were watching TV, having still not gone to sleep, rather than yell at him I simply asked what was stressing him out. He calmly explained that the clock was ticking too loudly.

How relieved was I that I'd asked! It was so simple and so easy to solve.

Yesterday, I started redecorating the bathroom, which means that the contents of the bathroom is in the hall, including a very noisy clock.

The boy was right. That'd keep me awake too.

I think he was also a tad stressed about another mummy fail. I'd forgotten to buy more pull ups, so he was trying to go to sleep, despite the 'will I wee when I'm asleep?' fear. We heard him get up again about 10:30pm to visit the bathroom and in the morning he was dry - yay!! Oddly, I tried to praise him and he told me I was being stupid, so I stopped. Whatever. It's only him that gives him a hard time about this, not me. 

This morning, for some random reason I woke up at 6:30am, and grabbed the opportunity to get some work done while the boys were asleep. I managed to cut out, sew together & post everything I needed to. Then I took the boys out to town and to the library, as promised. Go me!

So I could've stayed in last night, got more and more stressed about my commissions, in between trying to get two boys in bed and cooking dinner, and ended up staying up late slaving away at the sewing machine. 

But instead I went out, got all those lovely natural exercise related chemicals surging through my body, had a good sleep and approached my work with a clean head.

My overpriced gym membership gives me 3 evenings a week to myself, where I get some exercise done, maybe a nice swim, a jaunt in a steam room, a relax in the jacuzzi and an hour long shower (anyone who has kids knows how complicated a shower can be). 

Priceless, almost.

As a work from home, homeschooling mummy, me time is more than important. 

It's essential to our survival as a family.

I hope none of you lovely ladies out there ever feel bad for taking a moment for yourself.

You earned it xxx

What kind of things do you use as an escape from the daily grind of motherhood? How do you relax?

To Home School or to Not Home School

I’m not fed up of school.

I love school.

I am excited by all that learning. I love learning, even now. Most days I get up & start planning what I can squeeze in. I am literally desperate to learn most things; playing the ukulele, speaking Spanish, drawing, I’d love to learn to paint or sail a boat...oh my goodness I could go on & on & on.

We finally received a letter this morning telling us they’ve offered him a place in a school in exactly the opposite direction from Ed’s, so that’s helped me make up my mind about what to do with him next year.

We only started thinking about this because Bean didn’t get the school place we’d applied for at Ed’s school. The thought of stretching ourselves between two schools made me think it would be easier, and far more fun to home school him for his reception year until a place could be found for him at Ed’s school. But the more I research home education, the more interesting it is. And it’s something we spoke about before we had children, having both had rubbish experiences at school ourselves.

I constantly find myself looking around Ed’s classroom, checking out their latest projects & feeling massively inspired & slightly jealous. As I look around I always think to myself; I want to make my home like that, I want to put that on the wall, I want to spend time with my kids doing that project. They must have so much fun in there.

Am I just a massive nerd?

I'm so jealous that the teachers get to do all these awesome things with my kids and when I try on a weekend, they seem all ‘schooled out’.

When we were planning our children I never envisaged someone else teaching them this cool stuff, I thought I’d have at least a part time role in it, but at the moment there’s nothing left for me to do aside from feed them, wash them, clothe them & put them to bed. All massively important jobs obviously! But I want to do fun stuff with them too. I want to teach them how to swim, how to ride a bike, speak another language, how to sew, I want to read with them all the time & I can’t wait to introduce them to my favourite novels!

Am I just being über selfish?

Is it selfish to want to spend time with your kids?

I’m tired of getting the dregs of Ed’s childhood. By the time he’s done at school he’s so shattered and even on Saturdays all he wants to do is chill out. Understandably.

Everyone who knows us well, knows I’ve always had problems with Ed’s behaviour. He’s stubborn &  feisty, like things his own way, but is very thorough in everything he does, sponges up information and keeps it in his little noggin. Home schooling him would either kill us or cure us. I would love our relationship to feel less negative. At the moment 90% of our life is me trying to keep him clean dressed and fed, I’d love more positive moments

I’d love to have more time with them. I’d love to have the pleasure of teaching them. I’d love them to have more time just being children, and all the running, hopping & yelling that involves.

Yes, it would be hard work, and yes, sometimes we’d have baaaaad days. But I trust myself that in the long run I would never fail my kids. I’d never let them be ‘behind’ or social misfits. I will always fight for what I think they need. I will always to my best.

I’m not sure how Ed feels about school. He’s happy when we get there; happy to see his friends & have a good run around in the playground but when the bell goes he often turns a bit sulky.

At home, Ed tells me it’s too noisy, that the teacher doesn’t notice him. I know it’s because he’s so well behaved there & all I can tell him is that she’d sure as hell notice if he was naughty. I tell him I’m sure she’s noticed that she’s not telling him off all the time, but it doesn’t seem to help.

From his accounts, he seems to spend a lot of time waiting his turn – a valuable lesson but surely not one he has to learn for half the day, every day.

Of course he tells me good things too, occasionally I get passionate accounts of what they’re working on & the games they’ve played that day. Once he flew the whole class to Spain and back!

I asked him what his favourite bit about school was & he replied;

“After lunch we play in the playground”.

That seems an awful shame, especially since he’s still on the EYFS curriculum, which from what I understand is mostly play. How will he react to KS1?

Anyone who’s ever met Ed knows he’s a very physical boy, who communicates with his whole body, so I would presume he learns best using his whole body. The role-play activities at school are definitely the ones that hit home the closest. I don’t get much out of him when it comes to what he’s been doing all day, but they’re the ones I hear about. If that’s how he learns best, what is sitting at a desk going to do to him?

And Bean, an entirely different boy, learns in an entirely different way. Bean is a flitter. As his mum I can tell you he will never cope with sitting and learning for a length of time. If he goes to school, I predict in a few years he will be prescribed ADHD drugs, when all he needs is a different method of learning. I can get him to concentrate, but it has to be done in really short intervals. As he gets older, I’m sure those intervals will get longer, but he needs the speed that a 45 minute lesson will never provide.

No-one could say they needed the same kind of learning system. If I could provide them both with their own programme of learning, as it were, they could learn at their own pace & in their own way, without having to tick anyone’s boxes (except mine). And I’ll keep them up to date with the national curriculum so that if they ever chose to go back to school, or if it just wasn’t working out, they can. They’re both very confident & outgoing, so I’m sure they would cope.

I’ve searched online for support groups, found a few families in our town who home educate & found learning resources. There are even museum days for HE groups where they can see those awesome chemistry experiments I was worried about them missing out on.

And since no-one wants to be with their Mum day in day out, so I’ve made provisions for them to have time at a regular sports/social club so they can socialise & have someone else be in charge.

I know its crazy idealistic, and I’m often far too romantic in the way I view my life but I figure, as with most things in my life, the old adage (old as in, 80’s pop) applies;

‘If you don’t have a dream, how you gonna have a dream come true?’

And my dream is to have kids who are happy, eager to learn and well behaved.

We haven’t fully decided our plan of action, we’ll use these two weeks off school to experiment with school work & make a decision as to the if’s and when’s.

But what if it turns out to be the best decision we ever made?

What if they love wearing red shoes every day?

What if they learn loads & have a great time doing so?

What if it makes them happy, well-adjusted young gentlemen?